Too Much, Too Soon?

Whilst going through this transformative awakening period, I was having significant struggles in my dating life.

I knew what was happening to me was unusual but there was no doubt I wasn’t the only one. I’m not special now. I wasn’t special then.

Things are just happening. And who really knows why?

I didn’t feel it was right to hide anything. If the opportunity arose to chat about my life, I would. But the women who were attracted to me had no idea what they were in for once they started to get to know me.

They obviously had a certain model in their head, I looked a certain way, went to the gym, was covered in tattoos.

But the looks on their faces when I told them what I was actually interested in… or shared some of the experiences I’d had?

I could see it instantly.

No text. No call. It was done.

I remember one time; my mate J called me up and asked how a date had gone the night before.

I laughed and said, “How do you think it went?”

And he said, “Man, you just can’t be so open about this stuff. You need to build into it slowly.”

But I told him the truth:

“I’m just being honest. The right person will accept me for who I am. I’m not going to pretend I’m something I’m not.”

And I never did.

Eventually, I just stopped dating altogether.

I turned inward. Focused on myself.

There’s no doubt in my heart whoever is meant to be my life partner will find me, in their own time.

And that’s still the way I feel about it today.

I remember one girl I was pretty interested in.

We hit it off after bumping into each other over a number of weeks, so I finally decided to go up and have a proper conversation. It went well. I asked for her number. She told me she was glad I asked. I was happy.

Fast forward, we’re on a date at a Polish restaurant on Chapel Street, talking about tattoos. I told her about mine, and she told me she had a huge snake tattoo covering her entire back  but added,

You wouldn’t understand… it has a spiritual meaning.”

Well, about fucking time, I thought. This sounds promising.

I told her I would understand that I’d had hundreds of spiritual experiences myself.

She told me about a mystical moment she had in Bali. She’d been swimming in a temple area and turned around to see a huge snake in the water, staring straight at her.

I said, “Sounds like a powerful experience. Clearly it had a big impact on you.”

She asked, “How do you know that?”

I said, “You got a tattoo of it across your whole back.”

She laughed.

“Oh, well yeah… I guess.”

We kept in contact. It was going well until one day she called while I was waiting in the car for a mate to finish work.

I was reading an Osho book.

Back in my early days, I didn’t mind a bit of Osho. He’s not my thing these days but at the time, I was seeking and his stuff made me think.

She asked what I was reading.

I said, “An Osho book.”

Her tone changed immediately.

“Isn’t he that cult leader who took advantage of vulnerable people?”

I said, “To be honest, I don’t know. I wasn’t there. I’m just keeping an open mind.”

She shut down completely.

“I need to go,” she said.

And hung up.

So much for an open mind.

A week later, I was working in Mornington with J.

We were walking through a shop when she walked in. She saw us and turned red.

J looked at me and said,

“Maybe it’s not all that bad.”

Then we looked over and there she was, laughing and pointing at us with three other people.

Having a good laugh.

At me, I think.

James and I just looked at each other and started laughing too.

This is just great, I thought.

Yeah. I figured it was probably time to take it easy on the dating scene…

and focus on myself.