Give Up My Family, Live in a Commune? Seeking God’s Grace? No Thanks

It was early January in Tiru.

I was sitting at a well-known café for foreigners.

I’d taken one of the lounge sofa chairs beside two people sitting across from each other.

The place was quiet, and I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

It sounded like he was trying to sell her something, I would know.

I spent years in senior corporate roles selling products.

But this wasn’t business.

It seemed like he was talking about some kind of spiritual commune.

He said there was Satsang available, but only for those who had been around a long time. That sounded culty to me.

I quietly prayed for her, hoping she would follow her own path and not get pulled into this garbage.

Weeks later, in the same spot, I met another man.

He asked about my practice, how long I’d been in Tiru, the usual small talk.

When I asked about his, he told me about a guru in Kerala.

I quietly put two and two together.

He didn’t try to sell me anything outright, but he hinted at something, some kind of quiet, exclusive community.

I could feel the undertone. I stayed clear.

In March, I took a short break from Tiru and headed to Rishikesh.

One day while walking down the street, I bumped into the same guy.

We had never spoken in Tiru, but he said he remembered me.

We chatted for a bit, he told me he moved between Tiru, Rishikesh, and Kerala.

We spoke about spiritual teachers and our own experiences.

He mentioned how lost he’d felt in Tiru until someone pointed him toward a “realized being” in Kerala. He said the energy there was unlike anything he'd known.

We agreed to meet the next day for breakfast.

Over that meal, he shared more about his guru, saying realized beings are rarer than most think. I told him about my connection to Ramana Maharshi, and dreams involving Sathya Sai Baba and Nisargadatta. While he had nothing bad to say about Ramana, he went out of his way to discredit Baba, calling him a pedophile and dismissed Nisargadatta for smoking cigarettes, saying someone like that couldn’t be enlightened.

He claimed his guru spoke often of Ramana. gently but clearly, the offer came: I could come to the commune and meet “a real guru.” But there were conditions, I’d need to give up family, intimacy, alcohol, gambling. And once I came, if I left, I wouldn’t be welcomed back.

It all sounded cultish. Still, I let him speak, listened with curiosity, and told him I’d think about it.

“Okay,” I said, “can I read the Vedas myself?”

He laughed. “The Vedas are too difficult to understand. They must be interpreted for you,” he said.

Classic brainwashing.

I told him I’d think about it. After all, giving up family and intimacy are no small things.

I walked away from that breakfast feeling sick.

But I’d learned a lot.

A few days later, I bumped into a friend from Australia who I’d met in Tiru.

We reconnected at a café and started hanging out again. Lunch here, dinner there.

I told her about the guy going around selling his guru.

She laughed and told me she’d had a similar experience with the same group.

Her story matched mine.

So that was three separate “hard sells” that I knew about directly.

A month later, I was back in Tiru.

One morning I walked out of Ramana Ashram and saw him again.

He waved, I waved and kept walking.

The next day, I saw him again and this time he came up to me.

“How are you going?” he asked. “Are you ready to go and see a real guru?”

I smiled. “I’m happy where I am. I don’t have any questions. But thank you.”

He looked shocked, taken aback.

“But what about our conversation? You wanted to meet a real guru?”

I smiled again. “I’m not looking for anything.”

He laughed awkwardly, still smiling, then put his hands in prayer and said, “Oh well, good luck to you then.” Like I was a fool for turning down the offer of a lifetime.

Some Reflections

Truth just is.

You don’t have to give up anything to know it.

Yes, in India and other Eastern traditions, taking vows of sannyasa and renouncing the world has been practiced for thousands of years.

But that’s not the only way.

There are many paths and they all lead to the same destination.

Truth doesn’t send out spiritual salesmen.

It’s much more subtle than that.

You don’t have to give up your family, your name, your job, your lifestyle, your children, or your intimate life.

None of it.

If you are a sincere seeker and deeply honest with yourself, everything will unfold in divine timing.

What you seek will seek you.

And when the moment comes—you’ll just know.

Enjoy your life. Enjoy what you do.

Ramana Maharshi was once asked whether someone should renounce the world. He responded:

“You are not the body, nor do you belong to the body. The body belongs to you. Find out who you are first and then ask whether you should renounce the world. Once you truly know, the question will no longer arise.”

— Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi, Talk 54, January 3, 1935